Writing to Win with Nick Guinn: She Told Her That She Would Improve Her Writing if She Limited Her Use of Pronouns

Introduction:

One Saturday morning, while working with my mom in her yard, I asked where she would like me to drop some topsoil. My mom was in one corner of the yard focusing on flowers that she was planting. She pointed in the opposite direction with a free hand and said, “over there.” To be clear, her fingers were pointing closer to the sky than anywhere in the yard. I asked for clarification and received the same response. Based on the instructions, two feet away at five degrees orientation seemed as applicable as thirty feet away at forty-five degrees (among other locations). We laughed about it over lunch.

*This image does not accurately represent yard work in South Texas during the Summer months.

I share this story in jest because the lack of specificity from the phrase “over there” illustrates a similar problem with pronouns. Word choice and clarity are essential to effective writing. A key to clarity in writing is the careful use of pronouns. Although pronouns are essential (and convenient) components of English grammar, their overuse leads to ambiguity and repetitive prose. This blog post explains how minimizing pronoun use can enhance the clarity, impact, and elegance of your writing.

Understanding the Pronoun Predicament

Pronouns like ‘he,’ ‘she,’ ‘it,’ ‘they,’ and ‘we’ are indispensable for avoiding repetition (especially long names). However, overusing them can lead to several issues. Excessive reliance on pronouns causes ambiguity, making it unclear to whom or what the pronoun refers. It can also make writing seem impersonal or detached, especially in narrative and descriptive writing.

In the paragraph above, notice the emboldened word, “them.” Does the word “them” refer to pronouns or long names?

Illustrations

Here are seven additional sentences illustrating ambiguity arising from pronouns.

“When Sarah visited Linda, she said she was excited about the new project.”

(Ambiguity: It’s unclear whether Sarah or Linda was excited about the new project.)

“After the dog bit the man, he was very upset.”

(Ambiguity: This sentence could imply that either the dog or the man was upset.)

“Alex told Jordan that her presentation was the best she had ever seen.”

(Ambiguity: It’s unclear whether Alex or Jordan gave the presentation.)

“Jake and Tom were discussing the project and he said it was going to be challenging.”

(Ambiguity: This sentence doesn’t clarify whether Jake or Tom thought the project would be challenging.)

“The client discussed the contract with the lawyer and he said it was too vague.”

(Ambiguity: This sentence doesn’t clarify whether it was the client or the lawyer who thought the contract was too vague.)

“In the criminal case, the detective told the prosecutor that his evidence was not sufficient to prove the suspect’s guilt.”

(Ambiguity: It’s unclear whether ‘his’ refers to the detective’s or the prosecutor’s evidence.)

“During the meeting about the trademark dispute, the CEO argued with the attorney because she thought her approach was incorrect.”

(Ambiguity: It’s unclear whether ‘he’ refers to the CEO or the attorney, and whose approach is considered incorrect.)

Strategies for Minimizing Pronoun Use

1. Use Specific Nouns for Clarity

Using specific nouns instead of pronouns enhances clarity and adds detail to your writing. Pronouns are often vague, leaving the reader unsure about whom or what you are referencing. By using specific nouns, you provide immediate context and remove ambiguity. For example, in a story, saying, “She performed brilliantly,” specify who ‘she’ is: “Serena Williams performed brilliantly.” This not only identifies who performed brilliantly but also strengthens the connection between the reader and the character. In professional or academic writing, specificity achieved through nouns adds credibility and precision, ensuring that your audience accurately understands the subjects and objects in your discussion.

2. Use Active Voice

Active voice is a powerful tool. It makes writing more direct and livelier. In active sentences, the subject performs the action, which often eliminates the need for pronouns. This structure makes your sentences clearer and more assertive. Here is an ambiguous sentence written in the passive voice: “The report was reviewed by the manager and his suggestions were implemented by him.” It is ambiguous because it is unclear who ‘him’ refers to: it could be someone other than the manager. Consider the following revised sentence in active voice: “The manager reviewed the report and John implemented the manager’s suggestions.” By specifying “John” as the person implementing the suggestions, the ambiguity around “him” is resolved.

This shift not only removes unnecessary words but also places emphasis on the subject, making your message more impactful.

3. Incorporate Descriptive Details

Adding descriptive details can transform a simple, nondescript sentence into a vivid and engaging one. By replacing pronouns with descriptive language, you paint a clearer and more detailed picture for your reader. For instance, instead of saying “She was elated,” you could enhance the sentence by describing the character’s emotions and actions, such as “Maria’s eyes sparkled with uncontained joy as she received the award.” This approach engages the reader’s senses and emotions, making your writing more memorable and impactful.

Note that incorporating descriptive details does not always improve clarity. However, if your goal is to add depth to your writing, descriptive details can support your goal. Also note that the example sentence above uses the word “she.” Depending on the context, the word “she” might be ambiguous. That is, who received the award? This issue can be resolved by replacing the word “she” with the name of the award recipient (e.g., “Maria”; Maria’s friend).

4. Rephrase for Precision

Rephrasing a sentence is an effective way to eliminate unnecessary pronouns and make your writing more precise. By restructuring a sentence, you can often convey the same idea more clearly and concisely. This approach is particularly useful in eliminating ambiguous pronouns, making your writing more direct and understandable. For example, the sentence “When they play, children often forget about their surroundings” can be rephrased for clarity and conciseness as “Children often forget about their surroundings during play.” This not only removes the pronoun but also makes the sentence more focused and direct. Here is another example: “When they are angry, cats hiss” can be rephrased to “Cats hiss when angry.”

Each of these strategies contributes to making your writing clearer, more engaging, and more professional. By consciously applying these techniques, you can greatly enhance the effectiveness of your writing.

Application in Legal Writing

As for legal writing, the misuse of pronouns can lead to significant confusion and misinterpretation, which are particularly problematic given the significance of legal matters. Pronouns, by their nature, are meant to replace nouns to avoid repetition, but when used carelessly, pronouns create ambiguity about who or what is being referred to. This ambiguity is not just a minor inconvenience; in legal contexts, it can lead to misunderstandings about the facts of a case or the specifics of a law, potentially altering the outcome of legal proceedings.

During testimony, ambiguous pronoun use can undermine the clarity and reliability of a witness’s account. For example, a witness stating, “He saw him enter the building,” without clear antecedents for “he” and “him” could lead to confusion about who exactly was at the scene, potentially weakening the testimony’s impact. In written legal documents like contracts, wills, or legal rulings, similar issues can arise. Ambiguous pronoun use can result in disputes over interpretation, leading to prolonged litigation and difficulties in enforcement. Lawyers advocate using precise language. To that end, lawyers should opt for specific nouns over pronouns wherever clarity might be compromised, ensuring that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately and unequivocally.

Exercises and Practice:

Here are several practical exercises that anyone can implement:

1. Rewriting Exercises: Take a paragraph from any source – a book, article, contract, pleading, or even your own writing. Identify all the pronouns in the paragraph and rewrite it, replacing pronouns with specific nouns or descriptive phrases.

2. Daily Journaling with a Twist: Keep a daily journal where you consciously minimize pronoun use. Describe your day, thoughts, or events using specific names and detailed descriptions instead of pronouns. This habit not only improves your writing but also enhances your observational skills.

3. Active vs. Passive Voice Practice: Write a series of sentences in passive voice, which typically contain more pronouns. Then, rewrite these sentences in active voice, focusing on eliminating unnecessary pronouns. This exercise helps in understanding how sentence structure affects pronoun usage.

4. Descriptive Writing Challenge: Choose an object, person, or scene to describe. Write a descriptive paragraph without using any pronouns. Focus on using vivid adjectives and specific nouns to paint a clear picture. This exercise is particularly good for enhancing creativity and descriptive abilities.

5. Dialogue Writing without Pronouns: Write a short dialogue between two or more characters without using pronouns. This can be challenging but it will force you to be creative in how you reference each character. It is also a great way to practice writing clear and distinct dialogue.

6. Editing for Clarity: Take a piece of writing, preferably a longer piece like an essay or a report, and go through it with the sole purpose of identifying and replacing unnecessary pronouns. Pay special attention to pronouns that could cause ambiguity and rewrite the sentences to resolve any confusion.

7. Comparative Writing: Write about a particular topic twice. First, write using your usual style, including pronouns. Then, rewrite the same content minimizing pronoun use. Compare both versions and assess how the clarity and style are affected by the different approaches.

8. Peer Review Swap: Exchange writing pieces with a peer, specifically asking them to highlight and suggest alternatives for pronoun usage. Sometimes, an external perspective can be more effective in identifying where pronouns reduce clarity.

9. Translation Exercise: If you are multilingual, try translating a short piece from another language into English, focusing on reducing pronoun usage in your translation. Different languages use pronouns differently, and this can be a unique way to think about sentence construction and clarity.

These exercises are not only beneficial for reducing pronoun overuse but also enhance overall writing skills, encouraging precision, clarity, and attention to detail in your writing.

Conclusion

Although pronouns are prolific, their thoughtful use is a mark of skilled writing. By minimizing unnecessary pronoun use, you can achieve greater clarity, engagement, and elegance in your writing. This approach challenges you to be more creative and deliberate with your word choices, ultimately leading to a more impactful writing style. The next time you find yourself leaning heavily on pronouns, take a moment to explore how you can replace them with more specific, descriptive alternatives, and watch your writing transform.

Call to Action:

Have you had an ambiguous run-in with pronouns? Share your experience in the comments. If you have questions, do not be afraid to ask. If you found this post helpful, please share it with others. Look out for future posts in this series: Writing to Win with Nick Guinn.